I had a really great workout last night but it was not easy. I really had to push myself through the last 15 minutes as I wanted so badly to quit. I don't know what's going on in my own head. I actually thought I was going to cry. I was right on the edge, I felt the tears wanting to come out. I don't know why. I want this, I really do, which is why I didn't let myself quit. It would have been so easy to just step off and walk away, but I didn't. Does that make me motivated or unmotivated? I can't even tell you. I feel down in all aspects of my life though, even work is a challenge. Not a lie - I actually like my job, but lately I just haven't wanted to do it. I don't want to talk to people, I don't want to be there. And it makes me sadder just typing this
On another note: My pants are loose! I had to wear a belt today despite not having belt loops, I hope it holds my pants up, but it was too big also! I don't want to buy new pants yet because I would hope that they would eventually be too big also, but I think I will buy a new belt and maybe find some fabric to make my own belt loops. That itself should be motivation, but sadly I see my failing so maybe I should just go buy pants.
I'm a little sad that no one is reading anymore. Not that it makes a difference, but it's nice to know that someone may read and relate I guess. However, I also imagine that it's not too interesting to read my pity-party-for-one blog either.