Thursday, April 16, 2015

Roller Coaster

It's a roller coaster but I don't want to get off.  Even if there are not enough highs, and too many lows on this ride.

I was doing great and had my pre- planned bad day on Friday to take my son to a movie.  I had nachos, my movie favorite.  Then Saturday came, and I was mostly good, but not good enough.  Sunday was a birthday with Pizza Hut pizza and Dairy Queen birthday cake!  Monday, I was mostly good again but let myself crack at the end of the day.  Tuesday, I had grand plans to be good, I was doing great, then my mom and I went to bingo (it keeps her happy). I brought veggies and dip, she brought Hickory Sticks and chocolate.  I know that I am able to say no, but I didn't.  Such bad choices and I keep on making them!

Tomorrow is another day, and I plan to start every day as a good one.  If I didn't then the last two and a half years would have been for nothing.  Don't give up.  Never give up.  Ride the roller coaster. . .BE the roller coaster, because a roller coaster track never ends, it just keeps going until you stop. Don't stop and you will get back up the hill again.

Friday, April 3, 2015

Easter: Good or Bad Day?

My food baby has grown and I'm not being very good job of shrinking it! I managed to have a couple of pretty good days but then followed them with a really bad day.  I have done well the last couple of days (despite Easter dinner) and I need to do extremely well for at least one more day before a very important weigh-in. . .I did another DietBet.

My Mom told me a couple months ago she was going to pick up a ham to cook for Easter.  I called her Saturday night to ask if there’s anything she forgot that I can pick up before the stores close.  Grocery stores here are closed at 11pm and are not open on Easter.  She tells me she didn’t get anything for Easter.  She “forgot” to get the ham (and also had nothing else like potatoes, for example).  So off to the store I go at 9:30 pm the night before Easter.  Thankfully they had many hams to choose from!  Making Easter dinner myself probably worked out better as I was able to make things that would be good for me to eat (like a kale salad from Costco). 

This weigh-out has one more catch; PMS. I should be good and bloated by Tuesday! Darn!  I'm drinking lots of water to try to keep it flushed out.  If I'm close on Tuesday, I can take that day and work my ass off so that maybe I can make it on Wednesday instead.

A friend posted this picture after I made this
post so I had to come back and add it!

Sunday, March 29, 2015

Finally, A Good Day

Everything in moderation. That has always been a big part of my journey. Today I was actually able to put philosophy to use.

Today was a good day. Mind you, I did have a late breakfast. It was difficult to get through the afternoon without snacking, but had an earlier than usual supper.  It's was just me and my daughter for supper and she asked for Subway.  I decided to get a salad, which was surprisingly delicious. I have been off of salads lately, I guess I had grown tired of them (not that I really had that many).

Immediately after supper, despite being full, I still wanted to eat. I drank water, and had a small chocolate treat at an attempt to satisfy myself.  My calories were low for the day, so about an hour and a half after dinner I decided to have chips and Queso.  Moderation.  I only had half a serving of chips.  It was mainly the cheese Quseo that I wanted anyways.

I still have the rest of the evening to get through. My taste buds seem happy though. Hopefully that was the last of my cravings for the day. There is still room for a little more indulgence in my day though.

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Ready or Not, Emphasis on the Not

Another day, another disaster. Where the hell is my willpower?  It's ridiculous, I don't say no to anything.  That's just not me, that's not what I do.  I refuse to say "I can't" say no, because it's not about "can't", it's about me just not saying no and being self-indulgent. I'm perfectly capable of saying no, but I don't.  I'm sure that the scale will show no progress, or worse, on Monday.

Yes, I am stress eating.  Work has been hectic and I have not been coping well.  Maybe I should be working on my stress management skills.  Ha ha!  Except I can't see myself doing that.  Stress releases cortisol (a hormone) and elevated cortisol contributes to an increased appetite and cravings for fattening food!  Sadly, exercise can help control cortisol levels but since I want to eat yummy, fattening foods, I don't want to exercise.  Vicious cycle entered.

I'm back to "you have to be ready".  You will know you are not ready when you continue to fall.  That doesn't mean you can't try to see if you're ready every day until the day comes when you realize you really are.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Blowing It

Wow, am I ever blowing it.  This shows you that it isn't always going to be easy but that doesn't mean you throw in the towel (or bagel!) and walk away.  You have to remember that tomorrow is another day for you to work on yourself again.  I'm not going to give up.  I have been on this journey for too long to give up.  I still think of where I was before I started this journey and I know that I never want to go back there. 

(A repeat, but I love this)

I still plan to run.  Not today and maybe not tomorrow, but I have a new 5K to train for and four months to do it.  Right now I am positive about training as I have a lot of time, but I have to remind myself not to cut it too short like I did last year.  The ground is starting to dry, but the pavement is covered in sand and rocks so it is dangerous.  I have been keeping my eyes open to see which way to go that is safest. . .maybe by next week I can go.

Next week. . .spring break for the kiddies.  My son is going away to see his Aunt and cousins on a plane, by himself, for the first time alone. . .just breathe!  My daughter will be here and I have booked a few days off.  I'm thinking a movie for sure and who knows what else.  I may have to challenge myself to NOT have nachos which are my movie theatre weakness.  I will see how things go next week and how bad next weeks weigh-in is first.  Other than that, I am looking forward to a few days off from work. . .and maybe that will motivate me to run!

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Ups and Downs, Starting on a Down

Life is a series of ups and downs.  To me, so is this weight loss journey.  

I had brilliant plans of getting back to running and eating better starting yesterday, only to wind up the day in bed with a migraine; nausea and all.  Today I was better but I could still feel the effects of yesterday.  I felt the urge to eat, and I did.  It was bad.  Day two and I have already fallen.  I will get back up tomorrow and plan for a good day.

The other problem with my plan of running was it snowed again!  Just when everything was melting and drying up nicely!  So I may be back to the treadmill, but I need to do it!

A small update on Chris Powell's Choose to Lose.  I did read most of the book (by most, I mean I stopped at recipes).  At this time, I have chosen not to continue as I am just not willing to commit to the lifestyle the book promotes right now (or maybe never).  As with all "diet" and lifestyle books I have read, I have certainly learned new ideas that I will take away from the book and continue with during my journey.

Tomorrow is another day and the journey will continue as it does (and will) every day that I wake up.

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Slipping, Sliding, Falling and Getting Back Up to Do It Again

The slope is slippery and it keeps getting steeper and steeper.  I'm sliding, I'm sliding, and I can't seem to grab anything to stop my fall.  Now the ice is melting and it reveals the dirt and gravel underneath.  As it dries, the dirt becomes loose, and though difficult to maintain good traction, the slope will be climbed again.  There may be some brief slips but I will regain my grip and climb back up to achieve my goals.

I have not kept to my 1700 calorie per day maintenance goal.  I have been eating everything I want and even let the portion control slide.  It's no easy task to return to behaving myself, but I will try.  Hell, I don't just want to try, I'm going to do it. That's the attitude I should embrace!

I have always said you need to be ready for this, and I don't feel like I am right now, but that doesn't me I can't try.  And if I fall again, I will get back up and do it again.