Friday, December 12, 2014

I Am Worth It

Sometimes it's easy, sometimes not so much.  Yesterday was pre-planned Christmas festivities which involved eating my whole days worth of calories at lunch (oops).  The previous day, completely self-inflicted.  I almost made bad choices tonight, but I realized that I needed to stop.  I am worth it.

I haven't made it much further into Choose More, Live More for Life.  I am trying to remember that I am worth it though and I think I am going to start another promise (or two).  Since I last wrote, I have had time to think about the promises the book recommends and I am going to change one of them (one for now, there could be more changes later).

Food Promises -- I will:
1) Eat at least one serving of veggies every day
2) Drink water before every meal
3) Eat protein at every meal Eat from a salad plate instead of a dinner plate.

Body Promises -- I will:
1) Exercise for five minutes a day
2) ?
3) ?

Mind Promises -- I will:
1) Look myself in the mirror every day and say, "I'm worth it"
2) Forgive myself for one failure a day
3) Set small weekly goals instead of big, long term goals

My next promises  from this list will be to exercise for five minutes a day, eat from a salad plate, and I should add that I need to forgive myself for one failure a day, especially during this festive season.  I do promise to kick my own ass into gear as soon as the holidays are over. . .although I do have a trip to Vegas planned in January.

 

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Fall, Not Fail

I have started reading Chris Powell's Choose More, Live More for Life.  He says "We only fail when we lose belief...give up...stop trying".  I have not failed!  I have not given up, I have not stopped trying...I may have gotten off track but I have always come back to my goal.

In chapter two Chris asks you to make promises to yourself and write them down so I'm writing them here.  Now, because I've been on my journey for quite some time now, many of the suggested promises are already a regular part of my journey. Here are the promises I have chosen:

Food Promises -- I will:
1) Eat at least one serving of veggies every day
2) Drink water before every meal
3) Eat protein at every meal

Body Promises -- I will:
1) Exercise for five minutes a day
2)
3)

Mind Promises -- I will:
1) Look myself in the mirror every day and say, "I'm worth it"
2) Forgive myself for one failure a day
3) Set small weekly goals instead of big, long term goals

As you can see, I have left some blanks.  Maybe I will fill them in later but I haven't decided which ones I want to include yet.  That's okay because the book advises that from among the promises that I have chosen, to choose one to start and concentrate on that, then add another and another and so on.

I have chosen Mind Promise #1, look myself in the mirror every day and say, "I'm worth it".  The book does say you can tweak the promise to your situation so what I have done is set a reminder in my phone and three times a day it pops up and reminds me that I'm worth it.  And I smile every time it does.

I'm also trying to remember to drink water before every meal and exercise at least five minutes a day.

I look forward to reading the rest of the book to see if I can apply any more of Chris's transformation secrets to my own journey.  For a start, I am much happier to call my failures "falls" instead as it doesn't sound as harsh and it really does make me feel better about my missteps!


Powell, Chris. Choose More, Live More, for Life. Hachette Books, 2013
 

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Guilt

I am feeling guilty to the point that I could let the tears escape if I wanted to. 

Yesterday wasn't my best day.  My daily goal is a 250 calorie deficit.  I ended with a 30 calorie deficit and a plan to be good until Saturday.  Today I planned a large, Greek salad lunch, with plenty of veggies to keep me full all afternoon.  It was a success.  However, I let the work stress get to me, as much as I have been trying not to let it get to me. 
 
My Mom wanted to go to our favorite burger and fry place for dinner and I said yes.  Then I ate the burger and fries.  My Dad passed away six years ago and I know my Mom is lonely as my sister moved away, my Mom's brother moved away, and my Grandmother is in a personal care home and has dementia.  She has friends but doesn't socialize as often as I would like her to so I don't like saying no (I do sometimes).  The restaurant is a local favorite and totally worth the extra calories but I still feel guilty for eating my feelings.

Why would I cry about eating?

I should be stronger, I should be able to go out to eat and choose to eat healthy.  I am a grown woman and I am perfectly capable of choosing properly.  I don't even want to say I'm weak as that is a poor excuse for the choices I made.  The fact is that I made the choice, I have to live with the choice.  Maybe the guilt will push me to make the right choice next time.  I can't let it define me.  I need to build from it.  I need to use it to make me stronger.
 
 
And I just realized that this blog is my therapy!
 
As I typed through that last paragraph my personal sadness became anger.  It was kind of a strange feeling actually.  I'm angry at myself for making the bad choices.  And I should be.  I should be stronger, I can make better choices, I must make better choices!  I am capable of saying no. . .to myself!
 
And I am reminded. . .
 
 


Monday, November 24, 2014

Zero Progress

Despite being better then I had planned last week, progress was zero.  It is possible that my results are effected by PMS so I can only hope to see results next week. . .presuming I can control the eating part.

Last week the planned lunch date was cancelled, and the hockey game hot dog was balanced off with a great rest-of-the-day, so it turned out pretty well.  I still had my planned "bad" Friday dinner plans, and I was bad.  Other then that the food cravings (or wanting) wasn't there.  Today has been a different story which again leads to possible PMS.  I'm not craving, just continually hungry.  I'm going to take extra fruit and veggies to work tomorrow to compensate as I can't afford another day like today.

I can't believe December is just around the corner. With December comes all the Christmas goodies and gatherings.
 
 
The first gathering is this Saturday (not quite December), a lunch, which will be my planned "bad" day for this week (again, PMS is creeping in so hopefully it's the only bad one).  Next week is a work lunch, the week after is two work lunches!  Two? How is that to work when I only have one bad day?!?  One of the two lunches is a buffet (horror!) and the other is pizza. Ugh!  

Our regular work baker says she's not baking this year but I only half believe her, and the other semi-regular baker had surgery and I'm not sure she'll be back soon.  I'm hoping that I will be able to resist the other various treats that appear as I have been fairly successful during the last two Christmas seasons.  I admit it now though, I would not be able to resist a Nanaimo bar!  That treat I will allow!
 
 

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Signs (of Temptation)

Sign, sign, everywhere a sign. . .a sign for a Mushroom Mozzarella Burger, a sign for a Portabella Mushroom Melt, a sign for something that looks delightfully sinful.  The thought flutters through my mind, I could go through the drive-thru and get something and no one would know.  I would know.  And the thought passes and I'm not even disappointed.
 
My Tuesday lunch plans were cancelled due to meetings at work.  I still grabbed lunch at the mall food court across the street, but made a fairly good choice of a (fabulous) pita.  One less "bad" day to compensate for, yay!  The work meeting I attended has potential to invoke a whole lot of stress.  I'm trying to take it in stride but I am worried about my ability to keep the stress under control.  Hopefully my renewed commitment is stronger than the cravings.

 
 
 
I am still not motivated to add exercise back into my schedule.  I know it would make a tremendous difference on my hip pain and joint stiffness but somehow I just can't get my ass in gear.  I will remain happy without exercise though as long as I can keep my eating in check but eventually I do hope to get some added back to my routine.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Ready? Possibly

I think I really was ready again.  I know it hasn't been quite a week since I thought I was ready so how could I know, but I have been completely in control.  I don't know yet if I will see results, and I may not.  We had a fabulous work Christmas party yesterday and I went into the day knowing full well that it would be bad, mostly due to the alcohol that I intended on consuming!

This coming week will prove to be a bit more challenging.  I have a lunch "date" on Tuesday, a hockey game (which will involve a delightfully sinful hot dog) on Thursday, and then a dinner "date" on Friday.  Tuesday and Thursday should be fairly easy to balance but Friday will be my bad day.  I always allow myself one bad day so I am still feeling quite positive about this coming week.


I do suppose that the past work week was non-stressful, which was helpful.  The real challenge will be when the stress level picks back up. . .and I hope that's a long way away. (I can dream, can't I?)


Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Another Day One

And here I am again.  Feeling guilty for weeks but not willing to commit.  Making bad choices and not caring, thinking I will care another day.  

I realized I was in serious trouble when I started eating chips right out of the bag.  If you don't know my habits, one of my big ones is that if I'm going to eat junk it is measured into one serving and that is all I eat.  So when I found myself eating out of the bag, I knew I was in trouble.  It ended last night by ordering and eating a small pizza all by myself.

So I decided, today was another Day One.

I can't say yet if it will last.  I know at this moment that I really want it to.  I have had so much trouble with stress eating due to work that I can't say that I won't immediately fall off the wagon.  However, right now, today, I am choosing to have another Day One and I will have as many Day One's as it takes to get back on track.