Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Signs (of Temptation)

Sign, sign, everywhere a sign. . .a sign for a Mushroom Mozzarella Burger, a sign for a Portabella Mushroom Melt, a sign for something that looks delightfully sinful.  The thought flutters through my mind, I could go through the drive-thru and get something and no one would know.  I would know.  And the thought passes and I'm not even disappointed.
My Tuesday lunch plans were cancelled due to meetings at work.  I still grabbed lunch at the mall food court across the street, but made a fairly good choice of a (fabulous) pita.  One less "bad" day to compensate for, yay!  The work meeting I attended has potential to invoke a whole lot of stress.  I'm trying to take it in stride but I am worried about my ability to keep the stress under control.  Hopefully my renewed commitment is stronger than the cravings.

I am still not motivated to add exercise back into my schedule.  I know it would make a tremendous difference on my hip pain and joint stiffness but somehow I just can't get my ass in gear.  I will remain happy without exercise though as long as I can keep my eating in check but eventually I do hope to get some added back to my routine.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Ready? Possibly

I think I really was ready again.  I know it hasn't been quite a week since I thought I was ready so how could I know, but I have been completely in control.  I don't know yet if I will see results, and I may not.  We had a fabulous work Christmas party yesterday and I went into the day knowing full well that it would be bad, mostly due to the alcohol that I intended on consuming!

This coming week will prove to be a bit more challenging.  I have a lunch "date" on Tuesday, a hockey game (which will involve a delightfully sinful hot dog) on Thursday, and then a dinner "date" on Friday.  Tuesday and Thursday should be fairly easy to balance but Friday will be my bad day.  I always allow myself one bad day so I am still feeling quite positive about this coming week.

I do suppose that the past work week was non-stressful, which was helpful.  The real challenge will be when the stress level picks back up. . .and I hope that's a long way away. (I can dream, can't I?)

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Another Day One

And here I am again.  Feeling guilty for weeks but not willing to commit.  Making bad choices and not caring, thinking I will care another day.  

I realized I was in serious trouble when I started eating chips right out of the bag.  If you don't know my habits, one of my big ones is that if I'm going to eat junk it is measured into one serving and that is all I eat.  So when I found myself eating out of the bag, I knew I was in trouble.  It ended last night by ordering and eating a small pizza all by myself.

So I decided, today was another Day One.

I can't say yet if it will last.  I know at this moment that I really want it to.  I have had so much trouble with stress eating due to work that I can't say that I won't immediately fall off the wagon.  However, right now, today, I am choosing to have another Day One and I will have as many Day One's as it takes to get back on track.

Saturday, October 4, 2014

Another Detour

Last week was pretty good.  This week, not so much!  It's a reminder of how hard it can be to start a weight loss journey.  

It's so easy for people to judge another person for being overweight but they don't realize what actually losing weight requires.  If you're not mentally in the game then it's far easier said than done.  

My biggest peeve, and maybe I have said it before, is people who used to be overweight themselves looking down on someone who is overweight now.  Maybe their own weight loss journey was easier, or maybe they forget how long it took them, and maybe they forget that they had some struggles along the way.  It's not easy.  If it was easy then there would be far less overweight people.  It has huge mental involvement, and just because they did it doesn't mean the next person is ready to tackle the same challenges that they did.

Okay, that was an unplanned rant!  I only hope that I can find a better mental place soon so that I can continue my journey.  I may be stalled but I want to go forward and not slide backwards down that hill.

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Damage, Redone

I have failed you!  I have failed me!  I fed the stress, I fed it a lot!  The sad part is that I had the will power to not feed the stress but I made the choice to feed it anyway.  Yes, it made me feel better for that moment, but it did not solve the problem.  The result, I'm right back where I started three weeks ago.

I continue on this downward spiral and I fully understand the emotional connection people have to food.  

Once upon a time. . .just kidding! My previous job was extremely stressful and I ate ALOT.  When I started my new job four years ago, it was far less stressful and for probably the first time, I could leave work smiling.  After a while I decided it was time to lose weight and I did it because I had the time to dedicate to eating properly and less stress resulting in less comfort eating.  Then I switched to a new position and initially I struggled with my eating habits.  I was stressed, I had no time to eat regularly while I was at work, so I went through a bad period.  Things settled as I learned my new job, and I was able to continue my journey.  Now the stress has hit the fan. Despite my best effort to try to stay "relaxed" as soon as my stresser shows up I find myself in a very bad place again and it's happening every day lately!  I eat!  And I eat more!  
So once again I am approaching Monday and planning on conquering the week.  I plan to eat well and maybe even start exercising again. . .I believe this week we will finally be getting back into our regular routines so hopefully that can lead to some normalcy.  I wish me luck!!!

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Weekend Update

This post is actually from my first week back. . .I forgot to publish it last weekend!

The work week started off with a saboteur!  An innocent co-worker put a bag of six homemade peanut butter cookies on my desk on my first day back from vacation.  I had 220 emails to go through and I ate the cookies!   They were there, I was hungry, I was stressed, and I couldn't stop.  Okay, not couldn't, wouldn't.  Damn!
I did much better for the remainder of the week including a department lunch at a BBQ restaurant.  I was able to keep my calorie intake at reasonable amounts.  I was conscious of keeping my fluid intake to at least two litres per day (8 cups) helping my stomach to think it was full.

Yesterday, Saturday, was a bit tougher.  I tend to eat bad foods on the weekend but still try to stay in check.  T.o.m. should be visiting so not eating everything in the house was a challenge.  I did it though and despite being a pretty lazy day, I broke even on calories.

Which bring us to today.  Two pounds down, four to go.  This is okay especially because of T.o.m's visit.  If I can lose another two this week, and two more the week after then the holiday damage will be undone.
We did go pick out and pay for a new mattress set, which will arrive next weekend.  I hope that will help with my tiredness issues.  Also, lack of sleep raises cortisol levels, which can also lead to overeating.  (See post Stress Eating Does Exist.)  Here's hoping!

Monday, September 1, 2014

September 1, Here We Go Again

169.6. . .Oops!  Not oops, really.  I knew what I was doing and set September 1st as my end date.  I have not run since July 19th and I have been on vacation for the last two weeks so I have been carefree.  Starting today it is time to care again.

It's hard though.   Since I've been back from my trip I have been feeling my tired-achy-self again. We visited my sister, her husband, and their new babies in Vancouver.  While I was there I got up early, washed baby bottles, made breakfast, prepared dinner in the slow cooker a few times, and took my kids out for a while during the day; and I felt good.  Since I've been back I am back to horrible sleeps, not wanting to get up, and sore achy joints again.  And the dread of returning to work tomorrow.  (As I'm sure everyone wishes, I wish I didn't have to work!)
The first solution to this is to buy a new bed.  Hopefully this will alleviate the horrible sleeps and some of the achy joints.  The second solution has to be to get moving again!  I had far less trouble with my achy hips when I was running.  I am hoping the return to behaving myself will not be too difficult as I feel like I am in the right mind-set right now.