Yesterday wasn't my best day. My daily goal is a 250 calorie deficit. I ended with a 30 calorie deficit and a plan to be good until Saturday. Today I planned a large, Greek salad lunch, with plenty of veggies to keep me full all afternoon. It was a success. However, I let the work stress get to me, as much as I have been trying not to let it get to me.
My Mom wanted to go to our favorite burger and fry place for dinner and I said yes. Then I ate the burger and fries. My Dad passed away six years ago and I know my Mom is lonely as my sister moved away, my Mom's brother moved away, and my Grandmother is in a personal care home and has dementia. She has friends but doesn't socialize as often as I would like her to so I don't like saying no (I do sometimes). The restaurant is a local favorite and totally worth the extra calories but I still feel guilty for eating my feelings.
Why would I cry about eating?
I should be stronger, I should be able to go out to eat and choose to eat healthy. I am a grown woman and I am perfectly capable of choosing properly. I don't even want to say I'm weak as that is a poor excuse for the choices I made. The fact is that I made the choice, I have to live with the choice. Maybe the guilt will push me to make the right choice next time. I can't let it define me. I need to build from it. I need to use it to make me stronger.
And I just realized that this blog is my therapy!
As I typed through that last paragraph my personal sadness became anger. It was kind of a strange feeling actually. I'm angry at myself for making the bad choices. And I should be. I should be stronger, I can make better choices, I must make better choices! I am capable of saying no. . .to myself!
And I am reminded. . .