Tuesday, November 25, 2014


I am feeling guilty to the point that I could let the tears escape if I wanted to. 

Yesterday wasn't my best day.  My daily goal is a 250 calorie deficit.  I ended with a 30 calorie deficit and a plan to be good until Saturday.  Today I planned a large, Greek salad lunch, with plenty of veggies to keep me full all afternoon.  It was a success.  However, I let the work stress get to me, as much as I have been trying not to let it get to me. 
My Mom wanted to go to our favorite burger and fry place for dinner and I said yes.  Then I ate the burger and fries.  My Dad passed away six years ago and I know my Mom is lonely as my sister moved away, my Mom's brother moved away, and my Grandmother is in a personal care home and has dementia.  She has friends but doesn't socialize as often as I would like her to so I don't like saying no (I do sometimes).  The restaurant is a local favorite and totally worth the extra calories but I still feel guilty for eating my feelings.

Why would I cry about eating?

I should be stronger, I should be able to go out to eat and choose to eat healthy.  I am a grown woman and I am perfectly capable of choosing properly.  I don't even want to say I'm weak as that is a poor excuse for the choices I made.  The fact is that I made the choice, I have to live with the choice.  Maybe the guilt will push me to make the right choice next time.  I can't let it define me.  I need to build from it.  I need to use it to make me stronger.
And I just realized that this blog is my therapy!
As I typed through that last paragraph my personal sadness became anger.  It was kind of a strange feeling actually.  I'm angry at myself for making the bad choices.  And I should be.  I should be stronger, I can make better choices, I must make better choices!  I am capable of saying no. . .to myself!
And I am reminded. . .

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