Every Now and Then I Fall Apart

24 days of awesomeness and I undid it all this weekend. It's like once I start sliding, I can't get my grip back. Tomorrow is a new day and I must get back on track.

No matter what, I know that I need to make bigger changes. I saw a picture of me from six years ago and I would have considered myself "skinny". I know I need to do more to get back there again. By more I mean that I either have to cut calories, or exercise more.

AAAAARGH!!!!!

If I try to cut calories, then I get too hungry. However, I am not motivated to exercise. 

While I don't know which step I will take next, I will continue to do my best to stay/get back on track.

So Far, So Good

I am amazed at myself and how well I did last week! I didn't fall apart on the weekend either! Today (day 8) is actually the first day I had an evening treat. It did take me beyond my goal calories for the day, but if my Fitbit is correct-ish, then I had a few extra to spare.

I lost two pounds. It seems so small, yet I know it is not. And really, if I can lose even a pound a week, all those pounds add up! Or in this case subtract!

I still haven't figured out my fitness plan, but I have started with a thirty minute walk each night for the last three days at least. Walking is the current plan really, but the details of times and frequency have to be ironed out. Really though, what's thirty minutes of the day? Just a tiny portion really. There's no reason to not fit it in most of the time.

Today is a holiday here in Canada. Canada Day to be exact. In Manitoba, that means grocery stores are closed so I was sure to get my groceries so that I had no excuses to not succeed. Planning is important. I wasn't making that a priority, so it's one more thing that I have to stay on top of. And really, with online grocery ordering for pickup, it's so easy!!!

Day 4

Day 4 was a bit “easier” than any of my previous day 4’s I believe. Day 4 is usually when the seams start to unravel a bit, but this time they held together.

This afternoon there was a thought to reach for some candy...I selected a few 3 calorie mints instead of my usual gummies. This evening I found myself looking in the fridge but I quickly told myself that I wasn’t hungry and to walk away.

I haven’t incorporated any regular exercise yet, but I don’t see that as an issue. When I first lost weight, I started mainly with food-habits alone and it worked then so hopefully taking the same path as before will lead to similar results.

Day 3

Do you know what? I will do as many day threes as it takes. I will do as many day ones that it takes.

Just because your idea doesn’t go as planned doesn’t mean you should ever give up on it. So here I am starting over again but that’s okay. 

These first three days have gone great, and I expect tomorrow to go good as well, but I do worry as we approach the weekend. The weekend is when I usually slide because I lose the daily structure that guides me. Everything becomes random. For now, I am on the right path. 

Three days of a fairly similar meal plan has kept me on track, and I grabbed some more groceries today to be sure I have enough to see me through. They did sub my veggie dip for a higher calorie one, but remember that my motto is everything in moderation so I will measure out a single serving and I will still be able to factor those extra calories into my meal plan. 

My coworker was quite entertained by my pile of Tupperware at work today, but bringing my food saves me so many calories as I am a snacker. Having good snacks on hand is important. I also picked up some low calorie extra snacks to keep at work in case I forget to bring something. Be prepared. It’s an important part of this journey.

I AM a Disaster

When I crash and burn, I do it epically. I add fuel to the fire. I make it worse then it needs to be. 

I'm willing to bet that my weight has risen. I haven't been putting on the brakes, I have been binge eating and not stopping myself. I am always hungry and that is driving me crazy.

I am very down on myself. This muffin-top, spare-tire, whatever you call it, is growing. Yet I can't seem to remember how bad I feel when I binge.

On Monday I will start again. I have started to fill my fridge with healthy foods that I have to be sure to prepare and take to work next week. Healthy snacks need to be my binge food. If I have plenty of low-calorie, healthy choices within reach then it should hopefully be easy. Work has been a big part of my downfall because I tend to eat when I am bored and we are in our "slow" season.

I am also trying to remember the types of food and eating "schedule" that helped me when I originally lost the weight because if it worked before, hopefully it can work again.

I'm a Horrible Blogger/The Same Three Pounds

I'm a Horrible Blogger

I have been meaning to post for days. . .weeks really, but I get distracted doing something else and forget. That makes me a horrible blogger.

The Same Three Pounds

I was doing good. Never great, but good. I was talking myself out of those bad (food) decisions. And then I spiralled and I gained back the three pounds I had lost. 

So I lost them again, and then I gained them again.

Monday, I weighed in at exactly the same weight as I did when I started this on April 9th. Two months wasted. I know, I shouldn't think about it this way, but I could have been eating all the crap I wanted instead of going through this lose it/gain it cycle.

I am not ready to stop trying.

I will keep going. This isn't even a re-start, it's a continuation of my journey.

Once in a While

I have been doing great!

Until today.

I fell apart today.

You know what? It happens. I am not going to beat myself up.

Sometimes I recognize that I am not going to win the battle, and it's okay. Today I chose to give in to temptation rather then make myself miserable trying to fight. Why would I do that? It's just ONE day. Tomorrow is a new one and a new chance to get back on track and continue my healthier lifestyle. 

This journey will never be over. Even if I achieve a goal weight, there will always be bad days. What matters is that on most days I win the day.